Archive | August, 2013

Katie Explains Horse Language

24 Aug

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If your miniature horse texts you, here is a quick cheat sheet:

SHT- stale horse treats

YCTH- you call this hay

NMF- need more food

OTEMF- other horse eating my food

DCV – don’t call vet

GNF- get new farrier

BMG- buy more grain

GROPB- get rid of pasture buddy

CWHF- can’t work, hurt hoof

CWTN- can’t work, taking nap

IOFL- I’m on front lawn

 

 

The Last Blast of Summer

18 Aug

More Katie Pics

With the strange phenomenon called summer continuing, I haven’t been writing very much.  We haven’t seen much sun in recent years, so instead of being hunched up over a caffeinated beverage squinting in the gray gloom of the Pacific Northwest, I have been outdoors enjoying the sun.

And Katie, like Pigpen, emits a cloud of dust when she walks. Everything is dry.  It’s not quite dry enough to stop the grass from growing though. It’s green and dry. So we still have to mow.

The mornings are getting cold and fall is creeping up with the promise of chill and rain.  One day the sunshine will be over and the days will be viewed through windshield wipers and the hoods of raincoats.  It will be dark before 4 pm and not much brighter at noon.

Katie has one more show to humiliate me at this year.  It will be on Labor Day if we decide to go.  It depends on how much ego I need to burn if I will go.  People always think Katie looks cute as she humiliates me.

This show will involve jumping, so she will either fly over the jumps perfectly like she does at home or pretend to never have seen a jump in her life, stomp on my feet and knock over the ones she doesn’t refuse.  She might fly over one just to show she could do it if she wanted to.

We might also try Liberty class again.  In that class, I chase her around with a plastic bag on a stick while she spazzes out to Disco Inferno (her music).  Then I attempt to catch her when the music stops.  If she is really pissed off about being chased around with the plastic bag, she might not let me catch her.  Then we’d be disqualified.  Or she could want me to catch her and we’d get clapping and a ribbon.  Hopefully not a black ribbon, though.  She got a black ribbon for fourth place at the last show.  I put that one in the garage behind some stuff.

Katie makes sure I don’t get big ideas about winning fantastic prizes and world championships.   Every now and then she decides to be on my side and we end up with a good placing.  But I never expect one, because Katie’s not the kind of horse who aspires to worldly success.    World domination, maybe, but not worldly success.

Katie Explains How to Achieve Success

10 Aug

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse.

Dear Katie, I am 29 inch tall miniature horse.  I have always been an underachiever.   I go under fences and crawl under trailer dividers.  Am I destined to be an underachiever forever?  Signed, Short but Sweet

Dear Short, I myself have always been an overachiever.  If there’s a fence, I go over it.  Or through it.  The secret to being an overachiever is to look up.  You can take a giant leap or crawl under the fence.   As long as you can get out of the fence and give your owner a good workout trying to catch you, you will have achieved success.  – Katie

Katie Knows How It Feels to be Fenced In

10 Aug

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse.

Dear Katie, I am a 32 inch tall miniature horse.  I am struggling to understand the true nature of my paddock fence.  Sometimes when I touch the wire, I get a zap.  Other times, I can bend it to my will and crawl under.  Please help.  Signed, Perplexed Pony

Dear Perplexed, your fence is a paradox, like most things in life.  Fences are not a true barrier unless someone remembers to turn them on.  Don’t let the idea that a fence could zap you keep you from escaping your prison.  And if it is on, sometimes a little zap is worth it to get out and eat grass.  – Katie

Award Time

3 Aug

Thank you so much to the Dancing Rider!   Check out her blog- she has great insights into life, horses and ballet.

This award requires the invention of a rhetorical question.  I went out and asked Katie, since I drew a blank and Katie is better at these things.

“If a chunk of hay falls from the haybag and a horse didn’t hear it, did the hay make any sound?”

Ponder that, and you shall become enlightened or at least learn to listen better when your hay falls.

I give this award to Dannigirl who has been a loyal reader from the first post Katie made.

Katie Understands the Need to be True to Yourself

1 Aug

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse or pony.

Dear Katie, I am a 10.1 hand tall Shetland pony.  I am struggling with my conflicting desires to bite people and to get food treats from them.  They don’t give me any treats when I bite them or make a snarling face, both of which express my true self.  Do I give in to being an inauthentic pony to get the treats or express my true self?  Signed, Nietzsche the Pony

Dear Nietzsche, existential dilemmas like this are actually very easy to solve.  Much easier than opening a latched gate with your teeth.  Yes, you should be an inauthentic pony when there is food involved.  It is the only route to happiness.  Beg, act cute, get the treat and then bite them if you feel a need to express yourself.  – Katie