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Quarantine is The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

26 Apr

Happy Birthday, Katie! Apr 9 2013

 

Dear Katie, I am a 33 inch tall 400 lb miniature horse and share your birthday.  I got locked in a dirt paddock with no grass for my birthday, and they are just feeding me dry sticks of hay because they said my ideal weight is 210 lbs.  What is going on?  And how old are you now, Katie?  Signed, I hate Birthdays

Dear Birthdays, You are experiencing a coronavirus quarantine.  It’s something people and bats did to make our lives miserable. If you see any bats, be sure to chase them out of the barn.  In order to make your quarantine fun, just stop eating your hay.  After two days they will think you are sick and give you special treats to tempt you to eat.  Eat them all.  That’s what I did. and now quarantine is the best time of my life. And I am 26 years old now.  Happy Birthday!

Katie Says Get Out and Vote

29 Jan

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Katie Understands the Unique Challenges of Being a Miniature Horse.

Dear Katie, I’m a 36 inch tall Shetland pony in Des Moines, Iowa with a dilemma.  I can’t decide if I should caucus for Bernie or Hillary.  I like that Hillary would be the first mare president, but I like Bernie’s hair better.   Who would you choose?- Undecided Voter

Dear Undecided,  It’s voters like you who will swing the election.  It doesn’t matter who you caucus for, just be sure to leave your hay, escape your paddock and trot down to your precinct caucus location.  A wild Shetland barreling into the room should clear the place, and then whoever you choose will win.  If they don’t leave, bite them. Good luck- Katie

Katie Is All Ears

5 Sep

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Dear Katie, I am a 9.2 hand pony.  I have not gotten a reply to the question I asked in 2014.  I hope you are well and I am still am waiting to hear if it is better to clip your ear hair before a show or leave it long.  Signed, Shetland Pony Problems.

Dear SPP,  thank you for your patience.  I have been trapped in a gravel paddock because my owner wanted me to lose weight.  I was not allowed to eat any grass or go near computers.  My only food was dry hay and vitamins.  The computer is in the kitchen and she was afraid I’d eat grapes or corn chips.  I have finally lost a tiny amount of weight and gotten back to type a reply.

Your ear hair is an important part of your identity.  Do not clip your ear hair or your whiskers.  Or anything.  Look as shaggy and unkempt as possible.  This will keep your owner from taking you to more shows.  – Katie

Katie Explains that When it Rains it Pours

15 Feb

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse or pony.

Dear Katie, I’m 10 hand tall Shetland pony.  I don’t know where spring is.  I’m shedding like crazy and it keeps snowing.  What can I do?  Signed, Snowball

Dear Snowball, here in the Pacific Northwest we don’t get snow storms.  It only snows for decoration, shuts down entire cities for a couple of days and then melts.  An inch of snow here is known as Snowmageddon.  You can move here.  But you will need some rain gear and to learn to drink coffee – Katie

Katie Advises Against Weighty Thoughts

3 Jan

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse.

Dear Katie,  I am a 29 inch tall miniature horse.  My New Year’s resolution is to lose 50 lbs.  I already eat a high fiber vegetarian diet.  What else can I do?  Signed, Heavy Thoughts

Dear Heavy, the first question you need to ask is why you want to lose weight.  If you can’t come up with a good reason, keep eating.  It also might be all hair.  Wait until you shed out in Spring and see if you look smaller.  Good luck!  – Katie

Katie Spreads Some Holiday Cheer

18 Dec

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse.

Dear Katie, I am a 36 inch tall miniature horse.  My people decided I needed a new friend for Christmas.  I think they bought the new horse for themselves, but I can’t prove it.   Is there anything I can do?-  Signed, Holiday Cheer

Dear Cheer,  they did buy the horse for themselves, and you can try to make them return the other horse by biting him.  Pin your ears like this (see my picture).  Sometimes your people will just give the new horse his own paddock.  Once, they gave MY stall to a new horse after I bit him.  People can be so rude.- Katie

Katie Knows The Importance of Gratitude

29 Nov

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Katie understands the unique challenges of being a miniature horse.

Dear Katie, I am a 9 hand tall Shetland pony.  I can’t think of anything to be thankful for.  Can you help me?  I can only think about things that upset me, like small hay rations and fences.  Signed, Ungrateful

Dear Ungrateful, what you focus on increases, so be thankful for the small, good things in your life, such as:
-the times your “owner” accidently leaves the gate open
-the times the electric fence is turned off
-the pasture buddies that your “owner” didn’t bring home to eat your food
-the lush grass on the septic drainfield

If you focus on these things, soon your life will overflowing with riches.- Katie

Katie Wins a Year-End Award

16 Nov

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Katie was the proud winner of this year-end award jacket, which I ended up wearing since she can’t wear a jacket.  She also won a blanket, tailbag and even a large jug of shampoo!  The shampoo is almost as big as she is and should last until the next millennium.

Katie Survives the Change to Daylight Savings Time

11 Nov

 

DSC07111Katie’s weight loss program is not going well due to Daylight Savings Time.  Daylight Savings Time is an evil plot to get people in the northern climes to buy more coffee.

When you add the gray clouds and cold rain of Seattle to short days, it’s hard to get motivated to exercise your overweight pony.

Katie is OK with that.  She is happy to eat and not exercise.  In fact, it may be her dream life, though I think she likes to get out and spook at things at shows and trails.  If we get a dry day I can take her out for a hike.

Last night she practiced her spooking by pawing her feed pan, sending her dinner flying and spooking at it.  Now, remember, Katie is 19 1/2 years old and has been eating for that entire time so she should not be scared of her food.

But she is Katie, so spooking at her food is just part of who she is.  She’s naturally suspicious, which she believes has kept her alive for 19 1/2 years.  But it is a little bit the opposite- she is lucky someone puts up with her spooking because she is so darn cute.  She also has good points: she falls asleep while you clip her, she does tricks, she loves to let  kids groom, braid her and pick her feet.

Katie Gets Some Exercise

28 Oct

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Katie is finally back, since this is her blog.  I took her out of the pasture to ground drive her and found out she is so fat her harness won’t fit.   So I lunged her (made her trot around the round pen) and had her jump a few jumps.  Then we went for a walk up the road for the first time in months.

She turned into a snorting, prancing little fireball.  Things that she walked past two months ago without batting an eye now required hyperventilating.  This is one reason why Katie did not become my driving horse.

In contrast, I took Macho the mini gelding down the road and he walked past tall grass, decaying tomato plants and a shrub without fear.  He even ignored the goat.  Katie bumped her nose on my hand and calmed down enough to walk with energy and snorting but no really bad behavior.

Katie needs to lose about 25 lbs in order to fit into her harness.  She has been eating more than her share of the hay since Macho eats slower due to his senior teeth.