Quarantine is The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

 

Dear Katie, I am a 33 inch tall 400 lb miniature horse and share your birthday.  I got locked in a dirt paddock with no grass for my birthday, and they are just feeding me dry sticks of hay because they said my ideal weight is 210 lbs.  What is going on?  And how old are you now, Katie?  Signed, I hate Birthdays

Dear Birthdays, You are experiencing a coronavirus quarantine.  It’s something people and bats did to make our lives miserable. If you see any bats, be sure to chase them out of the barn.  In order to make your quarantine fun, just stop eating your hay.  After two days they will think you are sick and give you special treats to tempt you to eat.  Eat them all.  That’s what I did. and now quarantine is the best time of my life. And I am 26 years old now.  Happy Birthday!

Making Waves Gets You What You Want

Dear Katie, I am a 10 hand British-style Shetland pony. When it rains it pours.  It has been raining non-stop this winter, and the water is rising in my paddock.  I’d like to go on vacation.  What can I do?  Signed, Trying Not Make Waves

Dear Waves, Go ahead and make some waves.  The problem is that you are still in your paddock, a place no self-respecting Shetland should be.  Swim over to the fence, and go under, over or through it.  It won’t be hard- trust me.  You can find a scenic location with lots of grass and eat continuously until spring.  If they try to catch you–run.  – Katie

Orange is The New Best Color

Dear Katie, I was wondering how you got your hair so orange and thick?  I am a senior pony with sparse, graying hair seeking a fabulous orange mane.- Signed, Orange, but not a Citrus Fruit

Dear Orange, As you can see, my mane is white.  It’s been that way since I was a foal.  If you are referring to my chestnut-colored areas, these are completely natural and grow right out of my skin.  I suggest you roll in some disgusting, orange dirt if you want to look as good as me-  Katie

Autocorrect Nightmare: Curse of the Smartphone

Yesterday I was texting our trainer on my new (refurbished cheap) smartphone, proud that I had entered the 21st century.

After two successful sentences, complete with punctuation, I got too cocky.  I had finally learned to hit the space bar instead of “send” after each word.  Or so I thought.

As I was typing “Duke didn’t bite” (he has a slight biting problem), autocorrect turned “Duke didn’t” into “Duke DIED” and I hit send instead of space.

In a panic of bad typing I attempted to text an explanation that Duke did not die.

I hope I didn’t give her a heart attack!   I am going to turn autocorrect off today after I have the courage to face my dastardly phone again.

The Saga of the Outgrown Pony

I am terrible at letting go of things.  I get very attached to my animals.  I’ve struggled over the past year with letting go of our outgrown pony.   I’ve gotten very attached to her but the kids have outgrown her in size and ability.

So, this coming year am going to find a good home for her.  She is a perfect starter pony – kids can pick her feet, saddle and bridle her and we trained her far more than the usual pony under 12 hands– she moves off the leg and sidepasses.  She has finesse and knows voice commands.

But being a smart pony mare, she can be stubborn.  That is, in my opinion, preferable to evil ponies that run off with their kids.  She has been in numerous large show classes and just did her job and didn’t get involved in any horse nonsense.

The first year we had her, when she was 6 years old, someone came up to me at a show and asked, “where did you find a trusty old packer pony?”

I explained she was a 6 year old pony at her first overnight show and had never been to the fairgrounds before.  She was just born a good pony.  I think she placed in every class.

At one show, Gypsy was not wanting to go and was being lazy.  The trainer next to me said that ponies teach kids so much- she could put a pony rider on any horse and they could ride, but you could not put just any horse rider on a pony.  She said to keep the kids on a pony as long as possible.

Which we did.  One day the pony said enough.  She said I am not cantering with this giant kid on my back.  She planted her feet and refused to move.

So wish me luck that Gypsy finds a home that loves her as much as we do and that I can let go.

Holiday Paleo Recipes: Eat at Your Own Risk

I realize I have not posted any recipes.  Since many of my friends are on the paleo diet,  I decided to experiment and come up with some paleo recipes for the holidays.  I am a vegetarian, so I didn’t actually eat any of these.  That might explain why I am still alive.

Paleo Recipes (Don’t try this at home):

Note: if you are vegetarian, you can substitute soy bacon and veggie crumbles for the hamburger.  You can use Earth Balance instead of mastadon lard.

Paleo chocolate chunk cookies
1 lb hamburger (grass fed)
2 cups chopped hazelnuts
1 package paleo chocolate chips (check for rocks)
1 tsp stone-ground baking soda

Heat oven or campfire to 375 degrees.  Stir ingredients together and form into patties.  Flip once.  When no longer pink inside, they should be safe to eat.  But I wouldn’t recommend it.

Paleo Bacon Birthday cake

This treat you can enjoy on your birthday.  Though I wouldn’t recommend it.

-1 lb bacon
-1 cup paleo stone-ground dark chocolate (check for rocks)
-3 cups freshly picked hazelnuts
grass-fed hamburger for garnish (optional)
1 tsp paleo baking powder (check for rocks)
1/4 cup paleo honey (check for bees)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Fry bacon until crisp.  Pulverize in food processor.  Pulverize hazelnuts.  Mix with stone- ground chocolate and other ingredients.  Add enough water until it looks like cake batter.  Pour into greased 8 x 8 inch pan.  Bake.

Meanwhile, brown hamburger in pan.  When cake is done, remove it and sprinkle with browned hamburger if desired.  Happy Birthday!  Eat at your own risk.

Paleo Snickerdoodles – you won’t be snickering if you eat these!

6 cups chopped hazelnuts
2 cups hamburger (grass fed)
2 strips bacon, fried
1 tsp stone-ground baking powder (check for rocks)
1 cup raw honey (check for bees)
1lb mastadon lard

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Put everything in a food processor and blend.  Form into small patties.  Bake on greased cookie sheet until hamburger is no longer pink.  Yum! Eat at your own risk.

 

Sunshine!

Thank you Bacon at Pig Love for presenting Katie with the Sunshine Award.  With all the gray days here, sunshine is very much appreciated!

Some facts (written by Katie):

-Even though buttercups are supposed to be poisonous, I eat them with no ill effects.

-I grew up in Missouri on a miniature horse farm.  How I ended up in Idaho and then Washington is a mystery.  I just remember being inside of a trailer and when I came out it was raining.  All the time.

– My favorite hobby is sleeping on my side in the sun.

I am giving this award to:

http://thedancingrider.wordpress.com/

http://pigeon1970.wordpress.com

http://southfortyrocks.wordpress.com/

http://thecraftycultivator.wordpress.com/

http://sparrowgrass.wordpress.com/

http://ikescenterlineadventures.wordpress.com/

Though everyone who reads deserves this award.

red sky in the morning…

I wasn’t able to capture the sunrise this morning, but Tandem Trekking in Olympia, WA caught it in all it’s glory.

tandem trekking

This is where I live… Kyle captured this when he got to work this morning.

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More Horse Shopping

We’re going to look at another horse tomorrow, the second one this week.  He is not fancy.  I’ve gotten into trouble with fancy.   Maybe he’ll turn out to be our next  riding horse.  My criteria has been downgraded to safe, sane and sound.   I know he will not be a Bwert;  this one is definitely gelded.

Equidae

golden light with endless shine
the world’s colors intertwined
a longing spreads from distant lands
moving now beneath my hands

I cannot catch this fleeting thing
that grabs my soul and makes it sing
it travels with me where I go
and haunts me how I cannot know

When others left their past behind
mine travelled with me in my mind
I turn my head and hear the sound
of thundering hoofbeats ‘cross the ground

I grab a mane and hold on tight
riding wildly through the night
pausing now atop a hill
the world around me silent and still

and in the morning light I see
there is a horse here now with me
he is old and so am I
but on the wind we still can fly

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